


Dear Diary: A Would-be Rebel’s Story

by slugmutt



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff, Humor, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 21:35:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9290534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slugmutt/pseuds/slugmutt
Summary: Joining the Rebellion was easy. Training under Captain Erso is not.Kaytoo says I might make a good officer someday, if I don’t die first.





	

*Day 1*

Dear diary,

Well, I finally did it! I joined the rebellion!

I can’t wait to see the look on Vamis’ face when he sees me. He still thinks he’s the only one in the family brave enough to fight the Empire. I’ll show him.

To be honest, I might not have joined, but it was this or work on Cousin Timmet’s bantha farm. I can’t imagine being a rebel could be worse than shoveling bantha dung all day.

We were taken to base by a pilot named Bodhi. He asked where I was headed, and I told him I’m going to start training under someone called Captain Erso. He laughed and told me “good luck with that,” which I thought was nice of him.

Now I’m here on base. I’m not allowed to say where, not even here. The woman who greeted us when we got to base explained that Intelligence is sick of finding us new planets to train on, and that someone named Captain Andor has “promised to personally eviscerate” anyone who lets our location slip. I laughed. She didn’t.

I can’t wait to start training tomorrow!

*

*Day 2*

Dear diary,

Today I met my fellow recruits, and also Captain Erso.

Captain Erso is just a little older than me, and she’s not very big. I didn’t see why everyone seems so scared of her. Then she yelled at us to stop standing around like a bunch of worthless moof-milkers and start running, and I could see it.

Captain Erso says that if we pay attention to her, maybe we’ll live through our first battle.

Kaytoo says that’s not likely. Kaytoo is an Imperial droid. I sure was surprised to see one of those here on rebel base. Some of the other recruits were scared. Captain Erso says there’s no need to be scared of Kaytoo, except that he might annoy us to death. Kaytoo said “oh, that must be the famous human sense of humor I keep hearing about.”

The other recruits are nice. There are twenty of us training together. Captain Erso says that once we’re not such a bunch of clumsy nerfherders, we can start training with real weapons. I hope it’s soon!

*

*Day 10*

Dear diary,

Today we started working with blasters. By the end of class I managed to hit the center of the target twice. I thought that was pretty good, but Captain Erso said she could do better than that by the time she was eight and a half.

Kaytoo came to watch us practice. After class he said he gives us a 33% chance of surviving the year. Some of the younger soldiers started crying. Captain Erso got mad at Kaytoo and told him to stop scaring her recruits. Kaytoo said they should be happy, it was better odds than he gave most of the others.

I didn’t know droids could sound snippy.

*

*Day 14*

Dear diary,

Today I asked Kaytoo why he stays on base to watch us practice. He doesn’t seem to help much with training, except to tell us how likely we are to die.

Kaytoo said it has to do with “foolish, overprotective intelligence agents” and that I wouldn’t understand.

*

*Day 22*

Dear diary,

Today we switched from blasters to hand-to-hand combat. Captain Erso said someone else would be helping her teach. She brought us to a big tent, where a man she called Chirrut was waiting. He was dressed like some sort of monk, and he was blind.

I asked Captain Erso how Chirrut could teach us fighting if he’s blind and can’t see what we’re doing. She said that was a very reasonable question, and that she would let me help Chirrut demonstrate, so that I could find out the answer for myself.

That was ten hours ago. I think I can mostly feel my legs again.

Captain Erso came by the infirmary earlier to see me. She said she didn’t have time to talk, but she just wanted me to know that she expects me in class bright and early tomorrow morning.

I wonder if Cousin Timmet still needs workers on his bantha farm.

*

*Day 25*

Dear diary,

Today we were learning fighting with Chirrut again. I was a little scared to join in, to tell you the truth. I like feeling my legs.

There was a big guy with long black hair watching the class, and he asked me why I wasn’t fighting. I told him the truth, which is that I was afraid Chirrut might kill me.

He smiled and told me don’t worry, Chirrut doesn’t kill recruits. Which made me feel a little better.

Then he put his face really close to mine and said I should know that he’s not like Chirrut. And that if any of us hurt Chirrut, or Captain Erso, he, Baze, will make sure we die painfully.

After class I asked Nurse Panarr from the infirmary if she had anything to help me calm down. She asked if I was one of Captain Erso’s recruits, and when I said yes, she sighed and gave me some sedatives.

*

*Day 33*

Dear diary,

Today I saw Bodhi the pilot again. He was sitting in the mess hall at lunch. I introduced myself and reminded him that he brought me here. He laughed and said good for me that I’d lasted so long. I said that once you get past the constant insults and occasional death threats, Captain Erso really isn’t so bad. He said that’s true.

I asked if he came back to bring more recruits, and he said no, he was here for the one-year memorial for the Battle of Scarif. I asked if he was with the Rebellion back then, and if he remembered the battle. He got really quiet and then said he had to go.

Later I asked Vamis what that was about, and he said never EVER ask Bodhi about Scarif. Or Captain Erso, or Baze, or Chirrut, or Captain Andor. And especially don’t let Captain Erso or Baze find out that you asked any of the others about Scarif. And I knew it was serious, because normally Vamis would just let me mess things up and then laugh about it. He said he was warning me because he doesn’t want to lose a family member, and I don’t think he was kidding.

*

*Day 40*

Dear diary,

Something strange happened during class today.

We were practicing a fake battle, with stun blasters. Kaytoo was on my team. That’s always fun, because he knows where the others are likely to be hiding. Captain Erso says he’s not supposed to be on either team, but Kaytoo says just watching gets boring.

We were almost done when suddenly Baze came in. He had someone with him, and I wasn’t sure if Baze was hugging the other man, or dragging him. Anyway, as soon as he saw the other man Kaytoo said “oh good, finally someone interesting” and left.

That part was all normal. Normal for here, anyway.

What was strange was how Captain Erso acted. I saw her face when Baze and the man walked in and at first she was smiling and her whole face was lit up, but then she made a strange face like she wasn’t supposed to be smiling, and when the man walked over to her she just said “oh hello Captain Andor” like they barely knew each other. But I know that they do know each other, because Vamis says they won famous battles together.

I was a bit scared to see Captain Andor, because of the whole evisceration thing, but I haven’t been writing down any rebel secrets so I thought it should be OK. And he doesn’t seem so scary. He hung around watching us fight, and at the end he said we did a good job. Captain Erso told him not to give her recruits big heads.

*

*Day 47*

Dear diary,

Captain Andor helped us train all this week. At first Captain Erso said she didn’t need help, but Kaytoo said that having a second instructor would improve our chances of survival by three percent and so Captain Andor should stay.

We’ve been doing more fake battles. Today we formed two teams, and each team had one captain leading them. I was on Captain Andor’s team. That battle lasted for most of the morning. Then we had a second fake battle, all of us recruits against the two captains. That one lasted five minutes. I was one of the last two recruits to “die,” so that was good.

In the afternoon we did hand-to-hand combat again. I fought Captain Erso, and even managed to knock her down once. After class Captain Andor told me that I did a good job, and also that I will never hurt Captain Erso for real if I know what’s good for me. I told him that I know Baze would kill me if I hurt Captain Erso. He said that if I ever hurt Captain Erso I would be begging him, Cassian, to let Baze kill me.

Nurse Panarr says I can’t have any more sedatives this month. Chirrut offered to teach me meditation, which he says is very calming, but I said “no thanks” because even though I like Chirrut, time spent with him is never calming.

*

*Day 52*

Dear diary,

Today we did something new. We split into teams and were given a mission to plan, and we got to pick our own battle tactics. Then Kaytoo came around and told us all the ways we’d get killed if we fought that way. But Captain Erso said we weren’t terrible, so I was proud.

I asked Captain Erso how she would do the mission. She told us her plan, and it was a good one. Even Kaytoo said so. But Captain Andor didn’t like it. He said of course her plan would involve someone doing something suicidally risky, and that person would probably be her, wouldn’t it.

Captain Erso got mad and said she doesn’t need him second-guessing her and she can keep herself alive just fine without his help, she’s made it this far. And that maybe he should stop trying so damn hard to protect her, he’s just getting in the way.

Then Captain Andor got mad, too, and said that if that’s what she thinks, then she’ll be happy to hear that he’s leaving on assignment tomorrow and won’t be back for at least five months. Captain Erso got quiet for a minute and then said “good luck” and turned and walked right out of the classroom. Captain Andor just kind of stood there for a minute, then he left too.

Kaytoo said that with both of them gone he was the teacher. For the rest of the day he was the commander, and he let me be his deputy. Kaytoo says I might make a good officer someday, if I don’t die first.

I don’t understand the whole situation with Captain Erso and Captain Andor. Vamis says that’s because I’m an idiot. Kaytoo says I shouldn’t even try to understand, because human emotions never make sense anyway.

*

*Day 53*

Dear diary,

Today we were practicing with blasters again. We’re much better than we were last month. I hit the center of the target almost every time.

Captain Erso was in a horrible mood anyway. She made three people cry during class, and you should have heard what she said to me when it took me two extra seconds to reassemble my blaster. I’m pretty sure most of what she told me to do isn’t even anatomically possible.

Finally Baze told her, “I’ll take the class from here, little sister,” and Kaytoo said that while he “still doesn’t think this is a good idea,” she should “just go talk to him, already, and put us all out of our misery.”

Captain Erso said they were both nosy skugs, but she turned the class over to Baze and left.

I didn’t know Baze was Captain Erso’s brother. I have to say, that makes a lot of sense.

 

After class Baze told me to take the equipment back to the Supply Hall. I was just putting the last things back in boxes when I heard Captain Andor talking to Captain Erso nearby.

I hid behind some boxes, so they wouldn’t see me and think I was being nosy. To be honest, I hid even before I realized Captain Erso was there. Captain Andor is scary.

Anyway, they moved closer until I could hear what they were saying, and then I really had to hide, because if they thought I’d been eavesdropping on purpose I’d be done for.

I couldn’t hear what Captain Erso had said, but whatever it was, Captain Andor said he wasn’t mad, but he’d thought she’d at least stop avoiding him for one day, since he was leaving tomorrow.

Captain Erso said she wasn’t avoiding him.

Then Captain Andor said, “You’ve been running away from me ever since Scarif,” and he mostly sounded sad.

Captain Erso said no, he was the one who ran away. Then he got annoyed and said “that was a mission, it’s different.”

Captain Erso said he could have come back after the mission, and then her voice got really soft and all I heard was “… didn’t want to see me.”

Captain Andor said, “I always want to see you,” and the way he said it, he made it sound really important.

And then they were both quiet, and I thought maybe they’d gone, so I peeked out from behind the boxes, and saw that Captain Andor had Captain Erso up against the wall and they were doing things that they’d both kill me for seeing. Lucky for me just then a ship took off, and I was able to take advantage of the noise and sneak away before they took off any more clothing.

*

*Day 54*

Dear diary,

Captain Erso was in a much better mood this morning. She said maybe she wasn’t entirely fair yesterday, and that we’re “not all worthless bantha poodoo.” Kaytoo says that’s nicer than anything she ever had to say about Vamis’ class.

Then she said she’s not going to be our instructor anymore, because she’s switching to work in intelligence. (She didn’t say she’ll be sorry to leave us. Kaytoo said that’s because she won’t be.) Baze and Chirrut looked happy, and Chirrut said he’d be happy to take over for her and teach us the rest of the material. I think he was joking. I hope he was joking…

Later I saw Bodhi in the mess hall and told him the whole story. He looked a little upset, but Baze says that’s just because he thought they wouldn’t figure things out until next month, and now he owes Chirrut fifty credits. I don’t know what he was thinking, betting against Chirrut.

*

*Day 55*

Chirrut wasn’t joking. Force protect us.

**Author's Note:**

> I've added an angsty, smutty Jyn-centered version of this called "wondering should we take the fall."


End file.
